i barfeds in our rink
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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