Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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