Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
love makes seman taste better
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
