I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
