i jhust puked up my retainher.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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