woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
