he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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