im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
