nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
