Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
