my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
