dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
