You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
