Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
