so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
