loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
