Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
