I'm laying in your front yard are you home
her vagine was all disorganized.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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