Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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