My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
