we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
