Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
