so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
