How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
