we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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