Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
