Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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