I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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