I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
