dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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