Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
