She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
