smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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