I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
