I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
