I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
