WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
