what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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