Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
