My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
