if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
