It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
