she's into porn, im staying here tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
whose parrot is this?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
