he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
