we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
