so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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