So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
