So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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