It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
