sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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