Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
