My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
