So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
