I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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