It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
