Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
