What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish you could order shots online.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
